I thought it would be bigger...

I received my diploma in the mail this afternoon. I thought it would carry more girth and size than it does. Somewhat of a disappointment I guess; I have continuously found the graduation ordeal, in its entirety, much less than anti-climactic, that should say much.

Though many continuously point out the importance and impressiveness of such an “accomplishment,” I cannot help but think of it as something less than that, and more of an obligation.

By no means am I demeaning or belittling the blessed opportunity I have been awarded: to be able to achieve a higher formal education. Nonetheless, it has been the goal held for many years, now that it has been met there seems to be a void of sorts, begging the so-called potential, lying dormant in me, to do something with myself; something of worth, something more than satiating my idealized and delusionary understanding of this world.

I suppose this is my attempt to beckon myself, through writing, to finally do what I must, in order to be a better person; to volunteer abroad.

When framed in such a light, I am sure it sounds a tad pretentious, a bit self-deprecating and much on the selfish side.

As I am sure I have said before…I was once told that the ultimate form of selfishness is selflessness; a phrase I cannot ever forget hearing, for it still stings me, irrespective of how long ago it was said.

Ultimately, I suppose both are required, for, if it weren’t for that phrase once said to me, the debilitating poison in my ear, there might be a lessened passion to my drive.
All the same, I no longer believe that, however, now for different reasons than before; for more valid reasons.

It may make me feel like a better person to help other people, however, should I deny those in need out of the fear of selfishness?! Which is more selfish: to sit and constantly spew self-righteous views in an attempt to make others think…..OR…..to take a risk, leap off the branch and do what I feel is right in order to make a difference in the lives of others, knowing, full well, that though I may receive something in return (spiritual enlightenment, humanity etc.) that I provided something of equal worth to those in need; composing a symbiotic relationship, unclear in who plays which role, the giver or the recipient.